I think I have gone long enough in

I think I have gone long enough in life without being bothered about religion and God and church. I haven’t always been supportive of it and used to argue daily with a close friend about her opinions and her beliefs in God.

She became a ‘proper’ christian when her dad passed away, we were about 14 or 15 at the time. She completely put her faith at the centre of everything she done at school and at home, all she ever spoke about was God and quoted the bible. She criticised people daily about the decisions they were making and told them how they should be doing it. The worst times would be during RE lessons, I loved a good debate in those lessons but with me and her in the room together a healthy debate would soon end up in us not talking for a week or two!! 

A lot of my family are church-goers and strongly believe in God, they are also heavily involved in their church life. So I am familiar with the christian faith in that sense, I have never been put off by it as such or explored it myself properly and openly. I guess it is because my immediate family are completely against it. They hate religion, I remember growing up them laughing at my family and telling me when the war broke out it was because of money and religion. I then got it into my head that religion caused wars and was a really unhealthy thing in the world…which of course I then went back and said this to my friend which didn’t go down too well! 

So for years I decided that it wasn’t for me (with the help of my family). Then I found out my boyfriend (who I was just starting to date at the time) went to church regularly with his family. I couldn’t believe that I was completely unaware of it before he didn’t really seem the ‘type’ to go to church.  Especially compared to my friend! Then I started to notice how much it meant to him and I could see a difference in the way he acted, the things he valued in life, his attitude to life was very different to mine! 

Eventually I started going to church with him and I absolutely loved being there, it’s such a happy and positive place to be and very sociable. I found it comforting to go and liked to hear and see what he was hearing and seeing every Sunday morning! 

I then completed an Alpha course with his sister, which again I loved and enjoyed but I don’t think I took too much from it sadly enough. I learnt more about other people’s opinions and perspectives which I guess is the point of the course and got a free dinner every week (bonus!). I don’t think I was ready to do the course, I still didn’t really WANT to know more or find out more which is why I never really got involved with discussions unless it was a one to one with someone.

I carried on going to church after the Alpha course and I still go sometimes just not committed to every Sunday! It is an interesting place to go and be but I feel like I don’t know enough to believe or have faith in something I have so little understanding about! Crazy!

My parents do not know I go to this church nor do they know that I went on an Alpha course. Most people say it is something to be shared but I am not ready for that and I know how they would mock me so for now it’s my nice little secret for me to enjoy!

I look at my boyfriend and his family and I want to have that passion and that happiness and glow they have around them so I hope one day I can reach that and be the person I feel I really want to be! 

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