Hello again!

It’s been such a long time since I took the time to sit down and do some constructive reflection, I always think but it comes out in one big splurge.

This morning I woke up to a very chilly bright sunny morning in the UK and decided to get up, change my bedsheets, have another de-clutter session in my room and just deleted my Instagram and my Twitter accounts.  I’ve done this so many times before and ended up reactivating them but I actually went through all of my pictures and tweets and thought ‘what a waste of my time, why did I do that?’. There was literally no point except to make others aware of me and my feelings. I hate social networking sites even though I have logged in daily to them for the past nearly eight years or so. 

The next year I hope to be a good one for me as this one has been so rubbish, so I will be starting it with a positive attitude. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, so I have given myself more than enough time for slip ups and time to adjust! I now need to vent those instant emotions and sly indirect messages to people I can’t stand somewhere different, like on paper!! I plan to write down angry thoughts and any other negative emotions on pieces of scrap paper and using up all of those old notebooks that are half used. Straight after writing the thoughts I can screw up the paper, rip, tear, shred, burn it – anything to get rid of it! Just thinking about it sounds so good. 

I’ve also booked onto a Mindfulness workshop once a week which apparently is a new up and coming craze to help people relax and manage stress using different techniques similar to meditation.

Ahhh…fresh start here I come!

When friends won’t be friends

We all say we know who our true friends are and who are our friends but with Facebook, Twitter and Instagram now a part of my life I seem to have hundreds of ‘friends’ who like my pictures, like my life updates and comment on my wall saying they ‘love’ and ‘miss’ me. Friends who tag me in pictures and like to tag me at certain places with them like at restaurants and shopping centers…I like to do that too but today I realised that I haven’t actually got that many friends (yes it sounds sad, call me a loner blabla).

I do not have many friends but the ones I do have are true gems and are the ones who I haven’t really paid much attention to or might even be the people that I didn’t really WANT to be friends with due to our differences! 

I have spent a lot of time chasing certain people, trying to fit in with them and get involved in what they are doing. I’ve invested my time and money into the activities which aren’t really my first choice always but because I wanted to be with them I did it! Something happened tonight which made me realise that these people aren’t willing to invest in me like I do them. They are full of excuses, they invite me out when it suits them and they never compromise over activities when I am low on money or don’t really enjoy what they are doing. 

I will not change myself for them, it’s actually caused quite a bit of conflict in my head over who I am and who I want to be, but I am glad that tonight I found my answer that I am who I am and I have the right friends around me who I need to pay attention to more and appreciate more.

These are the friends who when I meet up with them there is no awkwardness, we feel comfortable around each other (well I hope they feel the same way around me), we have mutual interests and disagreements but this doesn’t bother us we accommodate and welcome the differences! These friends are the ones who know when I am not okay and make small gestures to help me on my way, the friends who bother to message me, call me and ask if I am okay! 

I hate burning bridges but sometimes it just isn’t right to associate yourself with some people and clearing them from your life would be a great benefit, so instead of clearing my Facebook ‘friends’ list or deactivating and reactivating my Twitter account, I think I will clear out my real ‘friends’ a little and change who I prioritise and value more in my life. 

It might be the wrong decision but it also might be the best decision I make in terms of my happiness! 

And of course there is always that one other half of me I can rely on to always be my BEST friend 🙂 ❤